I have taken a bit of a break from jotting down my thoughts. But I am back. I am about four weeks into homeschooling my oldest son, always growing in my walk with the Lord , started training for my first HYROX race and doing about another million little things.
So this post is about to be raw.
Bare with me here as I work through these thoughts and what scripture says about them all.
Lately there are moments in my days where I miss my career in law enforcement, but I know my duty right now is in my home ( Deuteronomy 6:7) ). My husband is out there doing the darn thing (law enforcement) , and is so stinking good at it, but WOW. He works long days, many hours and most weeks the kids don’t get to see him more than a time or two in a span of four days. I usually want to fall into a little self pity party of ‘woe is me’. I constantly battle to not allow myself to think I “solo parent” because ummm hello? He works SO much, to provide for our family. He works hard so I can go to chick file with one of my best friend once a week with our cute litters of children in tow (sarcasm implied). Not once does he tell me to not buy this or do that. He is always joyful of the things I get to do with the kids. And we both thank the Lord for such provisions. Pause; let me just say real quick that I am not talking about or to women or men who ACTUALLY solo parent because of divorce or loss. Praying for such families and circumstances often as I lived that in my childhood . But back to the solo parenting comment . It is such a video trend on social media. I get so angry watching them. Not because I cannot relate, but because I can. Because it is not helpful to encourage one another in complaining and grumbling. Let us encourage one another to stay steadfast to the Lord and keep our eyes on him. Let’s encourage one another to do the next thing in obedience to where God has us. There is nothing solo about our family unit. Yet, it is easy to want to fall into that mind frame. Philippians 2:14-17 tells us “Do all things without grumbling or disputing that you may be blameless and innocent…”
Back to Deuteronomy 6:5 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and will all your soul and will all your might…v7 You shall teach them diligently to you children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and then you walk by the way, and when you life down and when you rise.” So here we see the command to diligently teach our children to love the Lord with all that is in us. Google says diligently means “Acting with great care, focus, and persistence to finish a task well. It is the opposite of being lazy or careless.” What stood out to me is what diligently is NOT. It is not lazy or careless. We are to be persistent in teaching our children these things. Verse 7 tells us when we are to do these things with our children and it literally is at all hours of the day. When we get up, sit in the house, walk anywhere, and lay down. So here, I am clearly and lovingly reminded of my role in my home with my littles. The job, can wait. I would not be able to obey this command if I was working as an officer working 40-50 hours a week.
In Philippians 2:14 we see the clear command from Paul who is IN PRISON, to not grumble and complain. To hold fast to the word of the Lord so that we can be confident that nothing we do for the Lord will be in vain. Obedience WILL NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE! And in this, I am humbled each night to thank my husband for his role and his work FOR our family unit, although very different than mine. We are on the same WINNING team.
Okay, what about when things around us are just tough. I see the pain sin causes all around us, in the believers life and the non believers. On the news. In my home with my little sinful children running around. I have a physical pain I have been feeling in my stomach for some unknown reason, for weeks now. How do we still find JOY ( Habakkuk 3:18 ) in these moments. Author , Glenna Marshall just released a book called praying in pain where she shares about how to find joy in the midst of physical pain and holding steadfast to the Lord. I recently watched a commentary podcast she did based on that book, and she said “Joy is faith that wont be moved or altered because it knows the Lord will never leave or forsake us” (Deuteronomy 31:6). Often I am reminded that putting my faith and trust in the Lord, and truly praying for His will to be done and for my heart to align to it… I can find Joy. To me joy doesn’t always means happiness, but it is a form of contentment and understanding that the Lord will sustain (Psalm 54:4). God is our greatest help.
Lastly, wow guys. I do not love homeschooling. It is tough stuff. Not made for the weak or the lazy .Honestly. I am blown away by the moms who homeschool multiples, keep their home in order, serve others and the church, and still have food on the table for dinner. Seriously I just described soooo many of my dear friends. What a blessing their lives are for me to witness and receive blessings from. I want to blame the fact that I am ESL (English is my second language) or that I was a solid B student who had to work very hard for those grades. But okay, what does scripture say about persevering in things that truly test us. I am reminded OFTEN of James 1. V2 tells us “Count it all joy, my brother, when you meet trials of various kinds”. This might sound a bit dramatic to some of you all, me referring to homeschool as a trial, but it is right now, in this season. I am battling moment by moment, word by word to get through it with him. I fall short so often and yell at my poor son for not remembering what the letter is for the sound “uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh”. I cannot even tell you how many times I have to close my eyes, pray, step away from the table or couch with my son, ask for forgiveness and take a 10 minute recess. But then I go back, because I have found if I just do the next thing, the Lord sustains and gives strength. In my flesh, I’d drop off my son at the nearest public elementary school down the street. ( The reason for us choosing homeschooling is a topic for another time.)
If we keep reading in James 1, V12 says “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” Let me encourage you , the believer, and myself, to persevere in whatever trial you are in. Keep your eyes fixed on Christ for his power is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). And when we fall short, because we will, may we repent and get right with the Lord and or person we have sinned against. Romans 8:1, Paul says “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. There is no sin so horrific that Jesus didn’t already pay the price for.
Lastly, as I am referring to many things of the heart, I recently heard Marlene Felix speak about matters of what scripture says about our hearts and something that stood out to me was this quote; “Gods wholehearted grace does not deserve our half hearted obedience.”
