“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18
I struggled with the word “submission” when I started reading through scripture. Why did I struggle so much ? Probably because I had never been trained up to do that. I was never taught to submit under the loving authority of someone I loved and respected and vise versa.
I submitted under rank, understood chain of command, and did what I was told once I got into my career, but that was different. That was easy to me. I understood my assignment at work, and even though there is a lot of discretion in police work, it is pretty straight forward.
Officer T and I had our first son and I went back to work as a police officer 3 months later. My mom was kind enough to change her entire life in order to care for him while I worked. There were different seasons where Officer T and I worked opposite sides of the week so he would have the baby when I worked, and I would have the baby when he worked. To me, that was “fair”. I had no idea what scripture says about a woman loving the Lord, her husband and then her children above anything else. I was raised with the mindset of loving myself and then my children above anyone else. It was something only the holy spirit had the power to change in me.
For some context, as a young adult when I became a police officer I wanted to do my own thing, be a fun aunt and never really wanted children of my own. The world seemed dark in my eyes and being a parent seemed way too hard.
Officer T and I were like ships passing in the night the first year of our marriage. We sought out counseling. And slowly the Lord began to do a work in me. Officer T was kindly treading lightly when he would talk about me staying home with our son and no longer working. I always thought it was a good idea, but not for me. Two years later, I had a desire for another child. Soon after , we were pregnant with our second child.
The conversation for me to quit my job and stay home with two children came to the table more often the year I was pregnant. At the time, Officer T and I agreed that once we had bought a home, then we would be “stable” enough and I could quit my job. In my head I thought…..ya right.
Our second child, first daughter, was born in October of 2023. I knew this time around, I needed more time to get into shape for work and decided I would take 5-6 months off. Having 2 children was HARD. I was blown away by how much harder it was with two, than just one. I thought about my mom watching my kids while I worked and immediately felt a pit in my stomach. If was hard for me, how much harder would it be for her. But still….. I was going back to work. It felt wrong, but I was going to do my best to make it work. I chose a swing shift schedule so that I could do mornings with the kids and get them down for their midday nap before I left for work. I would work 2pm-2am. Get home, sleep , and repeat.
On my very first day back to work, Officer T had a swat call out. Which meant, he was unable to watch the kids when I had to go to work. Scrambling for child care is NOT easy and very stressful. Which reminds me….. my very first day back to work after I had my first son (in 2021), Officer T was held over at work and was not home to be with the baby so I could go to work. Coincidence? absolutely not. I believe the Lord was using all these things to ultimately bring me to my knees and surrender the job.
So back to early 2024. About a month into working, Officer T sat me down and asked me to reflect on our life. We were about 3 years into marriage and had grown so much in our love for the Lord and for one another. But there I was… stubborn as a rock. He told me he believed it was time for me to quit my job and be home with the kids….I said no. He explained , gently, that he was not asking me. He went on about how he had sought out counsel from other men at our church, and we were at a point where there needed to be drastic change. This wasn’t about just me anymore.
Again, I said no.
(to be continued…)
SarahNakamura 