“Sarah, if you’re not going to quit your job to stay home with your son , then why don’t you stop doing the extra things at work like swat, field training , and overtime?” he said.
“Ummmmm… because I don’t want to.” I thought in my head. I am honestly not sure the answer I gave, but I know I went on to point the finger right back to my husband on why he shouldn’t work overtime and do extra things, during a marital counseling session we were in.
Officer T and I had our oldest son in February of 2021. I don’t have a cool story of the exact moment I gave my life to the Lord, because I think it happened gradually, over time. But it was right before my son was born. At the time, Officer T and I lived together, worked together, went to church together but spent little time physically or emotionally with one another. We were like ships passing in the night. Having been recently saved, I was then convicted of living with him while we were not married and that he was not a professing believer.
In May of 2021, Officer T sent me a random text that he wanted to give his life to Jesus, and he was going to meet with our pastor. I was happy for him. To be honest, I had only been a believer for a few months and knew little about how BIG this moment was for the trajectory of our life…but God knew.
Days later, he moved out of our bedroom and into our living room. We started planning a wedding. I still had many many…many things to work through. I had tons of reservations, rules and boundaries I had made up in my own head (not knowing scripture). I would say I was still a “feminist” in my thinking at that time. But I was being encouraged by our family and friends to follow what Gods word says about family and marriage. For our son, we should have been married.
And so it all went on in the blink of an eye. One week I was being proposed to (I have to tell you guys about this because it is HILARIOUS), the next week we were baptized, the following week we got married and the week after that, we joined membership with our church. Boom Bang Done. That is still how Officer T and I roll….quick and efficient.
“Welpppppp” I thought in my head soon after we were married. “Wasn’t marriage supposed to fix all our problems??” Sure wasn’t. My husband was wise enough to seek out counsel from an older husband and wife from our church who he has known since his youth. We will call them S and S. S man for the husband and S woman for the wife.
We met them over dinner one night and they agreed to do our “post” marital counseling if we were going to commit to it. We agreed and the book they chose for us to go through was “What did you expect” by Paul David Tripp.
The months of going to counseling were a blur. It was a rough time in our lives. I was working as a full time police officer while being a field training officer, member of swat ,working overtime when forced , and a brand new mom and wife. Officer T had just started at a new police agency, and was being worked like a brand new boot. If you know, you know.
In Titus 2, the apostle Paul writes “ train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:4-5). I did not know this verse even existed before we started counseling. I believed quite the opposite. I later learned about Proverbs 31 tells us “Her children will rise up and call her blessed and her husband also, and he praises her”… but how can this be if mom/wife is not home. Just a thought that ran through my head. Not that it applied to me….
We went through counseling. S man often told my husband and I to do things that honor the Lord and obey his word, even if we did not feel like it. Through counseling I learned, feelings are fleeting. Gods word does not return void and there is blessing in obedience. Don’t get me wrong, there were many things I was not willing to do at the time , and although not explicitly written out in scripture for me “not to do” , it was still me not submitting to what my husband thought was best for us. So….still disobedience….to the Lord.
As I said, that year was a blur. I don’t remember everything, but I remember specific things that were said or talked about over and over. The Lord was chipping away at my husband and I. Brick by Brick. I remember the night my husband shared that I was working a lot, and there was no time for us as a couple or even us as a family. S man asked me why I would not quit the extra duties I held at work. And to me, the answer was simple. Because I did not want to. I worked hard for my career and I was not willing to give it up. An idol in my life? maybe. Afraid to depend on a man financially ? totally. I knew nothing about what Gods word says about being a wife and a mom. I knew nothing about what Gods word says about being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, and faithful (Galatians 5:22). And even though, I am sure S man and S women would tell me thats what Gods word said, it was going through one ear and out the other.
Even now, knowing more of Gods word, and studying it with such joy, does not make it any easier to obey and be more like Christ. We cannot, and are not made to do this life alone. “…Christ grace is sufficient for us. His power is made perfect in OUR WEAKNESS”. (emphasis mine, 2 Corinthians 12:9). Two years ago my husband asked me to quit my career, and even though I “submitted” , I did it in anger, and made sure he felt the wrath of my anger for weeks, maybe months. Clearly, it was disobedience to the Lord. But I often tell people I wish I could shout from the rooftops what the Lord does when we get to know him through his Holy and living word, and how he blesses our lives through obedience.
Moral of this story, read your bible. We cannot know how we are supposed to live as Christians, followers of Christ, if we do not know what his word says. If you don’t know where to start with reading your bible, I encourage you to start in the gospel of John and ask a friend to go through it alongside you. Also, pick up a small book called “How to eat your bible” by Nate Pickowicz.
“…he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil 1:6).
SarahNakamura 